Insomnia

It's strange how much we depend on sleep to get by. Yet all my life I have struggled with nightmares, and now I feel childish saying that I still do. But the truth is, as we age there are so many more things to become afraid of and paranoid about. Not to mention how restless I have become, as though uncomfortable in my own skin, in my own house. It seems as though I should always be doing something, completing another project, preparing for the future. To live in the present sounds like a luxury when I am so preoccupied with deadlines and the potential for missed oportunities. How can I live in the future if I don't work now to create it in the image I imagine for it? How can I become comfortable in my skin, in my sleep, in my home, when I am responsible for ensuring that tomorrow I am still here, with a home, with a future? Anxiety is a nasty beast, and anyone who hasn't experienced it on a level beyond the typical likely has no idea what a treat that is. Are there people in the world who can think of just one thing at a time? People who are able to get in bed at an early hour, turn out the lights, and let their dreams come as their heads hit the pillow? How does one manage such a heavenly existence? Napping comes much more easily than sleep, probably because without sleep at night my body needs moments of the day to stop functioning. Still, sleep is as much a part of my problem as it is the solution. When I do fall asleep, it is with great trepidation, as I am usually awoken by terrifying dreams, which follow one another in quick succession, blending story lines and adapting to my various sleeping and waking moments. At night I will come up with a number of excuses, such as writing this blog, to avoid getting into my bed, where I will once again have to confront the sandman. I have no fear of the dark, but of what nightmarish figures my imagination will conjure in such a setting. Still, sleep, when peaceful, is one of the most precious experiences, allowing the mind to trasport you through the constructs of time and space that imprison our waking states, and instead we can take on an alias for each new dream, and new passports with which to peruse the world of the sleeping - one of endless possibility. So as I end this self-indulent post, wish me luck, that tonight, for even a few hours, I may enjoy the timelessness and boundlessness of pleasant sleep, putting my anxious mind to rest.

Pithy Poetry

"My parent's worked,"
she told me over dinner,
as if my brother didn't,
as if health care's a privilege,
not a right.
But my siblings went to college,
where they stocked up on knowledge,
so they could find work,
but the system won't work for them,
So when she told me they deserved it,
I said "That is bullshit,"
and gave her a piece of my mind.
My sister's children get medicaid,
'cuz their dad can't get paid,
despite four years in college,
making the grade.
He's been measured and weighed
and found want.
And my brother, with his nose to the grind,
works all the time,
yet can't seem to find
a way to pay off undergraduate loans.
So he lives in a trailer -
don't you dare call him trash,
because he busts his ass
but our government couldn't care less.
So I said to her, listen,
I don't mean to be bitchin',
or moanin', groanin', or preachin' to you,
but I find it offensive
when you tell me your family
is worth more attention than mine,
So the next time you talk about health care
and welfare,
don't think about wasting my time.

-KMS 11/2007

Superfluous Quips

I only just realized how scary Mitt Romney really is. His primary speech actually frightened me.



I look forward to voting on Febuary 5th, in an election where I can freely stand up for my principles and not be concerned with who is going to get the nomination, but rather show my wholehearted support for social justice and true Democratic ideals, not the watered-down centrist babble that our top runners use to pander to the independents and moderates. Still, I must admit that 2008 has a better line-up than 2004 did in that regard.



What would Ron Paul actually do if he were in office? Get rid of the Fed? Ah, of course. Why didn't I think of that? Honestly, I take Colbert's campaign more seriously than Paul's. Still, I am glad Paul realizes the seriousness of the devaluation of the dollar. How can the people who gripe about Kucinich wanting to pull the troops out turn around and campaign for Paul? His islolationist policy makes me nervous, and seems to go too far. But better Paul than any of the other Republicans.



I thought Republicans were the ones who supposedly wanted small government, but I guess it's really just a matter of where they want to spend our money. That must be how the current administration gets away with expanding the powers of the executive beyond imagination, while Democrats who want our money to go towards reforming our public services - education, health care, minimun wage - are called "big government." Yet the programs that the Democrats want to strengthen and the way they call for those programs to be managed is from the bottom up with local and state governments exercising greater discretion over the allocation of funding. Instead, we have Republicans putting our tax dollars towards heightened security and military operations that we wouldn't need if it weren't for the combayive foreign policy and rhetoric that the current adminstration has promoted.

What we need are leaders in our country who want America to be as strong as it can be (anyone who thinks I'm not a patriot better pay attention) because our citizens are what make America great, and if our government isn't safeguarding our interests and ensuring our health and economic prosperity, than in my opinion that government is not fulfilling its duty to the American people. So I am a Democrat, and in Europe I would be a Social Democrat, because as much as I value my personal liberty, I believe that my liberty is tied into the liberty of others, and until we are guaranteed health care, quality education, and a living wage, our liberty remains unfulfilled.